Can You Relax in Montañita? Maybe…

After the Galapagos, I was worn out. Waking up early, days packed with activities, and hiking and snorkeling every day while there were beautiful beaches all around made me just want to… lie on a beach? As luck would have it, I was able to change my flight back to Quito to a flight to Guayaquil fo’ free (thanks Avianca!), landing me just a couple of hours away from Ecuador’s biggest party beach:  Montañita.

Now, now, I know it doesn’t make much sense to head to a wild backpacker destination and expect to relax, but I’d also learned a little something on this trip:  It’s not that fun to go to out-of-the-way, secluded, laid back towns by yourself either. While planning my great South America trip, I’d imagined hanging out in little-known Ecuadorian beach towns (and I’d still love to go to Mompiche one day!), but after arriving solo to multiple empty hostels (see Popayán and Guatapé), I knew I didn’t want that again. As a couple, it’d be awesome… but alone, no thanks. So I was determined to make Montañita my relaxing beach town.

It’s trashy, it’s colorful, it’s rowdy. Sometimes it’s too much. This town is made for partying and surfing. But the beach is wide and there are tons of restaurants catering to Western travelers, so why not?

I’d heard not to stay in the noisy center of town, which is truly a smart idea. So after browsing a few reviews, I booked a couple nights at Esperanto Hostel, just a short walk from both the beach and Cocktail Alley… both of which I would soon be getting to know.

So how did I fare? Did I relax in Montañita?

Day 1

Though it seemed a little quiet at the hostel because there was no bar area, the rooftop terrace with hammocks and $2 beers from the fridge were a nice touch. I only had one roommate on my first night in my four bed dorm. Luckily, that one roommate turned out to be a hilariously sarcastic Canadian guy who was in town for several weeks studying Spanish. As it turned out, he didn’t want to party either since he had classes in the morning, so we had a low key night of pizza, beers, and playing pool.

Having ventured out on my own once earlier in the evening and being offered more surf lessons than I could count from local bros, it was also nice to have a guy to accompany me around town for the night.

Day 2

It was a sunny, sunny day! And everyone I spoke to made a big deal of this fact. Apparently it had been cloudy for weeks, and this was the nicest day they’d had in a long while. Of course I didn’t bother to bring my camera out at all that day.

For breakfast, I headed to the rows of fruit smoothie, pancake, and crepe stands for a healthy meal of banana-Nutella crepes. Hey, if that’s an option, I’m always ordering it.

But seriously, these ladies can make you a cheap meal of most anything – sandwiches, milkshakes, omelets, and beyond.

Spending way too much time in the equatorial sun, I watched surfers in the waves and read my Kindle for hours. Vendors traipsed up and down the beach selling everything from ceviche (my stomach wasn’t quite strong enough for that yet) to empanadas to bikini tops and sunglasses. I had a few $1 empanadas for lunch, napped, and basically did everything I’d been wanting to do. Which was nothing.

Montañita was proving to be exactly what I wanted.

That evening, our roommate situation increased by one awesome Argentine girl. Together, the three of us joined up with a German guy for a $6 dinner of fried fish, rice, patacones, and, of course, caipirinhas. And then we decided to hit up Cocktail Alley, which was where the trouble began… and Montañita started to show its true colors.

Cocktail Alley is exactly what it sounds like. A street lined with booze vendors on both sides, all creatively named. These cocktail stands get fired up in the evening, complete with black lights and colorful liquor bottles, bartenders doing tricks, and drink menus the size of books. Naturally, I chose the stall called “Fucking Bueno” and requested a caipiroska. (Actually, not to sound like a jerk, I just told the man to make me a caipirinha, but with vodka.) Everything costs $3 or $3.50 and for no extra cost, they’ll add more liquor if you just ask… so why wouldn’t you ask? The man even said, “Taste it and let me know if you want more.” Now that’s service!

We took our first round of drinks to the beach to chat and check out the ocean. Everything was really lovely… and then we decided to get our second round.

I had another caipiroska. And another. Made with those little fresh limes, they were just so tasty. I really thought I could never get tired of this drink. Oh, I was so wrong. Of course, judging by the totally unrecognizable label on the vodka bottle, I can only assume that it was of the utmost quality. (Please grasp the sarcasm of this sentence!)

We all circled up in our plastic chairs on the street just beside Fucking Bueno, chatting, getting louder and more boisterous, and even inviting a former NFL player into the group (or maybe just a really big, athletic looking dude with a knack for good story-telling, who can really know?). By the time I sent myself to bed, I was playing country music from my iPhone which was lying right next to my ear… for God knows how long… as I slept. I’m such a considerate roommate.

Day 3

…was a strong contender for the title of “Worst Hangover of My Life.”

I spent the ENTIRE day in bed. Literally. I ate nothing. Nothing! That was a first for me. I never wanted to think about limes again. I felt horrible. I almost got kicked out of the hostel because I couldn’t bring myself to get up and tell them I’d need to spend a couple more nights there. Luckily, they were able to move some reservations around, and by the grace of God, I was allowed to stay. I’m not sure how I could’ve packed up and moved hostels at that point without dying.

Fun fact: I spent the least amount of money on this day of my trip. A grand total of $10 for my bed. Silver lining?

All of this from three drinks, you ask? Yes. Let this be a lesson to you about Cocktail Alley.

Day 4

Another day of semi-recovery. Obviously, I’d gone a little too hard after having barely recovered from my Galapagos stomach bug, and my body was not thanking me. But mind over matter, I ventured down the beach for Thai food. Delicious at the time, not worth it in the end. The rest of this day was spent napping and beach sitting… and nursing myself with a chocolate-coconut-banana smoothie.

So yes, a somewhat relaxing day. But mandatorily so.

Day 5

I got up and booked a bus ticket out of town. Having to take an overnight bus to Quito that night, I wanted to take the latest possible bus to Guayaquil, which was at 6:30 PM. This gave me the whole day to spend at the beach now that I finally felt better.

Having learned my lesson, I started off my day with a fruit salad, yogurt, granola, and fresh watermelon juice from Tiki Limbo. I snapped a few photos with my camera, and then headed off to the beach for more reading, lying around, and swimming. Finally, I became social again when I met up with my Argentine friend who had recently been joined by several other Argentine girls and some British guys I’d shared a room with in Salento – these coincidences are no longer even surprising! We all had a lackluster Peruvian lunch together and then returned to the beach.

And of course, just as we’re all having a great time, kicking around a fútbol, drinking mate on the beach, and laughing ridiculously hard at our attempts to translate English sexual slang to Spanish, it was time for me to head out.

I was pleasantly surprised by Montañita, as I hadn’t originally planned to visit; and even though it almost killed me, I didn’t hate it. By the end of my time there, I’d gotten used to the leisurely pace of this tiny, seedy beach town life – ignoring all of the comments from dudes and salespeople, learning that the partying is actually optional, and figuring out how to do nothing on a regular basis – and then I had to leave. But let’s be honest, it was probably better that way.

How do you guys feel about typical backpacker destinations? Are little beach towns like this your thing?